The Intimacy Experiment by Rosie Danan

* * * 3/4

Naomi and Ethan will test the boundaries of love in this provocative romance from the author of the ground-breaking debut, The Roommate.

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her.

Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag named him one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Taking a gamble in an effort to attract more millennials to the faith, the executive board hired Ethan because of his nontraditional background. Unfortunately, his shul is low on both funds and congregants. The board gives him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good.

Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

Source: NetGalley; ARC provided generously by publisher in exchange for an honest review

I enjoyed reading The Roommate last year (has it really been a year already?) and so was happy to jump into The Intimacy Experiment. One of the things I liked about The Roommate was I thought it presented a perspective on sex and sex workers that I hadn't considered before. The Intimacy Experiment continues to do that, but this time with added focus on how female sex workers are treated outside of the industry.

Naomi is now co-CEO of Shameless, the startup she runs with Clara from The Roommate. It's been wildly successful and now Naomi wants to take it to the next level by teaching in-person classes on sexuality. The problem is that no serious institution will hire her because of her "scandalous" past career. She is offered an opportunity at a networking event by the unlikeliest of people - a rabbi.

Rabbi Ethan needs to grow the size of his shul's congregation and he's thinking outside the box by asking Naomi to present a several weeks-long course of sexuality and dating. She thinks it's a ridiculous idea at first but then changes her mind. There's something so sincere about the rabbi's desire to appeal to a younger demographic and also address the matters that they care about. Ethan feels strongly that sex and religion can coexist spiritually.

Yes, this is all so weird and eyebrow-raising but Naomi has never been one to decline a challenge. She and Ethan are an unlikely pair and while tension builds up between them, it's a little slow burn before anything actually happens. Naomi might be tough as nails but she's not one to allow herself to be vulnerable. Ethan is just such a good guy, almost too good. He's so accepting and non-judgey about people in general, so he's not put off by Naomi's past. If anything, the more he's around her, the more he sees the uphill struggle she faces everyday to be taken seriously, or simply to be treated respectfully.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I was more attracted to the religious aspect than the romance. I know next to nothing about Judaism and so I naturally found Ethan's spirituality and philosophy interesting. There were a couple concepts that were referred to that made such perfect sense and hit me on a meaningful level. What I leaned in to most was that religion as Ethan was using it was not used to cast away or condemn but rather to include and uplift. Anyway, being that both the religion, and how it was being interpreted here were new  to me, I was drawn to it.

I questioned one detail in the plot. Naomi is such a resourceful, take action person that it's puzzling why she wanted to teach in traditional institutions instead of creating her own programming and presenting it at a venue of her choice. All I could guess at is that while she claims not to want people's approval, she probably does crave it just a little, and all her hard work and higher learning needs to have been worthwhile. 

Naomi, however, is impressive. Almost devastatingly so. Her tough exterior and approach to people and things can be abrasive to some but I liked how straightforward she is. One of the things she struggles with is an incident from her long ago past, back before she became an adult film star, that continues to affect her and drive her. Naomi does get to confront that somewhat by the end by stating things matter of factly. I thought it was a powerful moment for her and I think for a lot of women who'd want the bravery and opportunity to do the same. Danan has written an amazing female persona who's so complex, who's wiring is in knots from years of cynicism, self-preservation and punching out, and also shows her vulnerability and trust issues. This comes to the fore in one of the first intimate moments between her and Ethan. It's one of the most tender moments and a heart melter.

I loved The Intimacy Experiment in its parts. As a whole it's good. This is a complicated romance with so many factors inside and out affecting Naomi and Ethan's progress. They're an unlikely coupling but good together and for each other. This is a story that would please anyone looking for something a little unconventional, something that ruffles feathers and shakes things up.    

~ Bel

Content Warning: 

leaked nude pictures in high school resulting in harassment and slut-shaming (Naomi's memories); on page harassment in a bar when a random guy recognizes who Naomi is; Ethan's father's death (memory)

The Roommate by Rosie Danan

* * * *

House Rules:
Do your own dishes
Knock before entering the bathroom
Never look up your roommate online

The Wheatons are infamous among the east coast elite for their lack of impulse control, except for their daughter Clara. She’s the consummate socialite: over-achieving, well-mannered, predictable. But every Wheaton has their weakness. When Clara’s childhood crush invites her to move cross-country, the offer is too much to resist. Unfortunately, it’s also too good to be true.

After a bait-and-switch, Clara finds herself sharing a lease with a charming stranger. Josh might be a bit too perceptive—not to mention handsome—for comfort, but there’s a good chance he and Clara could have survived sharing a summer sublet if she hadn’t looked him up on the Internet...

Once she learns how Josh has made a name for himself, Clara realizes living with him might make her the Wheaton’s most scandalous story yet. His professional prowess inspires her to take tackling the stigma against female desire into her own hands. They may not agree on much, but Josh and Clara both believe women deserve better sex. What they decide to do about it will change both of their lives, and if they’re lucky, they’ll help everyone else get lucky too. 

Source: ARC provided by publisher in exchange for an honest review


Josh is a porn star who's proud of his gifts on and off the camera. Clara is a straight-laced socialite from the East Coast who dropped her entire life to move to the opposite coast to room with her forever-crush, Elliott. Only when she arrives in LA, he picks her up and literally drops her off at the house telling her he's going on tour with his band and that he's rented out the other room. Even despite this inexcusable and god-awful behaviour, she still lusts after him. Come on, girlfriend. Josh finds Clara's buttoned up demeanor amusing and slightly appealing but he has no intentions of getting mixed up in her mess. His best intentions don't hold up though when he finds out Clara has been researching his day job.

As she and Josh get involved she helps him see a bigger future for himself. One where he has control over his name and his career. They come up with a brilliant project and marketing idea and decide to pursue it. They both become advocates for sexual empowerment, especially for women. Clara evolves into a vastly different person from the one who first arrives in LA. 

The story also removes the 'othering' of adult entertainers by giving us a glimpse into the workings of that world. It can definitely be manipulative and because those in porn are treated as inferior by the rest of 'polite society', they don't get the attention or support they deserve when it comes to asking for better working conditions. 

I thought The Roommate was charming and it’s kind of different from some other romances I’ve read recently but there's one thing that was nagging at me as I read it. Clara is super conscientious about her family's image - she's either thinking about it or talking about it - and thanks to shady family history she knows the consequences of bad publicity. Which is why I thought I'd missed something when she seems to jump into something with Josh. If she's always so worried about not letting her family down, how does she reason this out in her head? To be clear, I'm not asking for Clara to justify her decisions. I just wanted a better understanding of how she went from point A to point B when she's otherwise always consumed with propriety. My confusion was spurred on by her taking a job working for her aunt who's been ostracized by her family for unbecoming behaviour. This aunt has since gone on to have a successful PR career and has recently landed a high profile client and Clara is brought in to work closely with them. Clara's actions seem out of character for someone who’s a list-maker, rule-follower and who's so intent on not drawing any negative attention to her family. My point is that it's not clearly shown how she compartmentalized everything because she's smart and incredibly thoughtful, so surely she would've known that there'd be repercussions if someone got wind of her side projects.

Regardless, The Roommate is a fun and enjoyable read. It's honestly quite a sweet story about that journey towards owning one's sexuality and being unashamed of it. There are also other things that take up space in the story such has the lives of the adult performers. They aren't just presented as just porn stars but as multi-dimensional individuals with their own fascinating backgrounds. The Roommate was something a little different and I'm happy I read it.  

~ Bel