Speechless by Hannah Harrington

* * * * *

 

 

Everyone knows that Chelsea Knot can't keep a secret.

Until now. Because the last secret she shared turned her into a social outcast—and nearly got someone killed.

Now Chelsea has taken a vow of silence—to learn to keep her mouth shut, and to stop hurting anyone else. And if she thinks keeping secrets is hard, not speaking up when she's ignored, ridiculed and even attacked is worse.

 But there's strength in silence, and in the new friends who are, shockingly, coming her way—people she never noticed before; a boy she might even fall for. If only her new friends can forgive what she's done. If only she can forgive herself.

It’s absolutely no secret at all as to how much I adore Harrington’s debut novel Saving June. When she had mentioned to us in her interview last year that she was working on Speechless, I knew that she’d be sharing something fabulous with us again.

Speechless deals with the hard topics of bullying and gossiping. Chelsea lives in the upper echelon of her high school’s social hierarchy. I didn’t like her at first. We’re not supposed to. She represents everything that is awful about high school. Gossiping is a way to maintain her status though I will say she is most definitely a follower here as she’s always under the influence of her best friend, Kristen. At Kristen’s New Year’s Eve party, she gets drunk and unwittingly becomes witness to a very private moment between two boys. Unable to keep her mouth shut as usual, she blurts out what she’s seen to everyone resulting in a disgusting act of violence that lands the victim in the hospital. Realizing that her gossiping was responsible for the violent act, she decides to refrain from speaking for as long as she can. The way she sees it, nothing good can come from her talking so why not for ?nce be silent?

The tables turn on Chelsea swiftly after she comes forth to the authorities with the truth about the perpetrators. It is a long, painful fall down to the bottom tier. She’s completely isolated and removed from her former friends. At this point you expect the author to throw in some grand life lesson learned. She doesn’t. Instead Chelsea very stoically accepts her “sentence”. She understands that her actions have hurt people and that they all need time to calm down. She's very simplistic about this at first. She’s under the notion that things will blow over soon and that things will be normal again. Not so much. Everyone is downright vile towards her including her former best friend.

What makes Speechless outstanding is the honesty with which Chelsea approaches her new status. She doesn’t experience any immediate epiphanies. It’s a gradual learning curve. She misses her old life, especially Kristen. Now that she’s exiled from the cool crowd, she does meet other kids at school, people she admits she was completely unaware of. She examines her decision to turn her former friends in to the police but it’s surprising that she doesn’t necessarily see it as doing the right thing – just something she had to do. Her vow of silence starts out as a way for her to assuage her guilt but becomes an opportunity for introspection. She gains remarkable insight by simply being silent. It’s as if her other senses have kicked into high gear and she’s truly listening and seeing people for the first time. Her new friends Asha and Sam are among many delightful highlights in the book. Their friendship gives Chelsea a whole new lease on her high school life.  

There’s so much more I want to add about the story itself but I’ll refrain from giving it away.  I cannot begin to describe how this story has wrapped itself around me. Hannah Harrington is a very gifted storyteller with an amazing ability to just capture your heart by diving into these very real moments with such authenticity and compassion. You get into the mindset of these individuals and understand what’s motivating them because you’re living vicariously through them.  Harrington’s writing evokes strong feelings because her characters are genuine and you trust the direction she’s taking them in. They’re very much alive and heartfelt because of the voice she gives them.

Another reason to love Speechless — it features a young girl who matures into a strong young woman. I don't come across enough of them in contemporary YA fiction.  It's about becoming a better person after having gone through all the crap and nonsense life throws at you. It’s about finding a voice that has purpose. 

~ Bel

 

 

Chase In Shadow by Amy Lane (Gay Romance, 18 years+)

* * * *

Chase Summers: Golden Boy. Beautiful girlfriend, good friends, and a promising future.

Nobody knows the real Chase.

Chase Summers has a razor blade to his wrist and the smell of his lover’s goodbye clinging to his skin. He has a door in his heart so frightening he’d rather die than open it, and the lies he’s used to block it shut are thinning with every forbidden touch. Chase has spent his entire life unraveling, and his decision to set his sexuality free in secret has only torn his mind apart faster.

Chase has one chance for true love and salvation. He may have met Tommy Halloran in the world of gay-for-pay but it if he wants the healing that Tommy’s love has to offer, he’ll need the courage to leave the shadows for the sunlight. That may be too much to ask from a man who’s spent his entire life hiding his true self. Chase knows all too well that the only things thriving in a heart’s darkness are the bitter personal demons that love to watch us bleed.

There's something about the journey of self-discovery as you begin to admit the truth about yourself that's at once powerful and downright scary. This is why I was intrigued by the premise – guy so far into the closet that he's practically in Narnia, who must figure out how he’s going to come out. First he must admit he’s been in there for a while. So if you read this book, expect plenty of emotional upheaval and some very uncomfortable, harsh and graphic moments. 

Chase who has been hiding his sexuality from everyone – he can't even admit it out loud to himself – decides to enter into the gay porn industry so he can make more money to afford college as he studies engineering. It’s in this arena that he can be himself, unafraid and daring, separate from the other world where pretense is his armor. And it’s here that he finally falls in love for the first time with Tommy. The book explores the following year as Chase continues to lead his double life – that of gay porn star while still immobile in that closet – and how it all eventually crashes down around him.

I have to applaud Amy Lane for writing such an incredibly dark, raw and unabashed look at someone coming to terms with their sexuality. She doesn't sugarcoat anything. Chase makes some pretty poor decisions and knows it. And each crack in his armor is more devastating than the previous. With each chapter, he slowly and painfully opens up about his scarred past concerning his parents and the effect they had on him. Beneath it all is a fragile kid, and I really do mean kid because there are moments when his thought process is so childlike, it's heartbreaking.  He is so full of self-loathing that he feels unworthy of being loved or deserving of any kind of happiness. To admit out loud that he’s gay, is to admit something so terrifying about his past, that that simple admission would completely undo him.

Chase does have wonderful friends surrounding him. Donnie, his best friend since childhood and Tommy, Chase’s love interest are top-notch good guys, as are the other guys he meets at his new line of work. Tommy in particular, doesn’t take Chase’s BS and is always challenging him to take the next step out of the personal hell he’s in. Tommy is so well-written that his persona just jumps off the pages. I adore him and Chase together.

Be warned: Chase In Shadow is extremely graphic. I had no idea that this would be the case when I first requested to read it. (My suggestion: skip the graphic sequence at the beginning of each chapter if it's too much for you and just focus on the rest of the story.) Initially, I found it unsettling but as I read on, it made for a startling contrast. Chase considers sex in front of the camera less frightening than having to talk about his innermost demons. Any time there’s a pause where Chase can be truthful about himself, he shuts down and the heavy impact it has on his relationships is tremendous. So while the sex scenes are graphic, it's Chase's self-destruction that's most disturbing, brutal even to stomach. However, looking past the graphic details, the reader will succumb to Chase and Tommy's beautifully aching story.  

Chase In Shadow is no holds barred. I did have to read it in increments because some scenes are so gutting and exhausting that I could only take so much at a time. Thankfully, this tormented soul does get a chance at happiness after overcoming the many demons holding him back. A pleasant surprise at the end makes this tumultuous journey worth it! 

~ Bel