The Impossible Vastness of Us by Samantha Young

* * * * *

I know how to watch my back. I’m the only one that ever has.

India Maxwell hasn’t just moved across the country—she’s plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. It’s taken years to cover the mess of her home life with a veneer of popularity. Now she’s living in one of Boston’s wealthiest neighborhoods with her mom’s fiancé and his daughter, Eloise. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister’s clique of friends, including Eloise’s gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.

But India’s not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. Eloise and Finn, the school’s golden couple, aren’t all they seem to be. In fact, everyone’s life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Finn and befriends Eloise, threatening the facades that hold them together, what’s left are truths that are brutal, beautiful, and big enough to change them forever… 


The Impossible Vastness of Us is a story about secrets, and how guarding those secrets provides a sense of security and stability. But then someone new comes into the mix and all of a sudden that well-maintained order is no longer there. India has managed to carve out a place for herself at school in California where she is liked, happy and participating in activities. Her single mother - with whom she has a troubled, angsty history - upends everything that India has worked for by moving them across country to Massachusetts because she is engaged to be married. India is spiteful and angry, and it's completely understandable since it all happened so suddenly. Her apprehension is justified when she meets her new soon-to-be sister who is not as welcoming to her. Eloise doesn't seem like she'll be helping her navigate her new school or inviting her into her social circle so she'll have to work her way from the bottom to the top as she's done before. It becomes more complicated when you throw in Eloise's friends and boyfriend, Finn who behave oddly towards India. Finn especially who is more cold than hot with her. She tries to ignore all that to focus instead on making inroads at school, finding ways to participate and generally staying out of the way of her mother's wedding plans. Much to her own chagrin, India can't help but observe and be intrigued by the dynamic between Eloise and her friends, including Finn, feeling there's more to their story. 

I don't read YA as often these days but it was Samantha Young who was a pull for me. Having read her adult series, I wanted something a little different but from a familiar author. The magic in The Impossible Vastness of Us is that the story unfolds in unexpected ways and as it did, I became so attached to the characters. I liked how Young gave enough space and time for them to develop. She never rushed through their moments and it felt like I got to know India, Eloise and Finn a little better each time. They also surprised me by breaking any initial assumptions I had about their personalities proving that no matter what is displayed on the outside, that everyone is going through something on the inside. While there is romance (a bit of a twist there, by the way), it's more about true friendships and those god awful, terrifyingly vulnerable moments when you share the real you with someone because it will change everything. That fear of losing what's most important to them is more amplified in these teenagers' world.

Samantha Young wrote a beautiful, heart-aching story about love, loss, trust and growing up. This is one of the best YA novels I've come across in a while and I should mention that I listened to the audiobook narrated by Brittany Pressley who did a superb job which is a big reason why I loved the story so much. Read it or listen to it - you will love it, too!

~ Bel

Under Her Skin (Blank Canvas #1) by Adriana Anders

* * * *

Her Body is His Canvas

A darkly possessive relationship has left Uma alone and on the run. Beneath her drab clothing, she hides a terrible secret—proof of her abuse, tattooed onto her skin in a lurid reminder of everything she’s survived.

Caught between a brutal past and an uncertain future, Uma’s reluctant to bare herself to anyone…much less a rough ex-con whose rage drives him in ways she will never understand. But beneath his frightening exterior, Ivan is gentle. Warm. Compassionate. And just as determined to heal Uma’s broken heart as he is to destroy the monster who left his mark scrawled across the delicate tapestry of her of her skin.

"Old hag in need of live-in helper to abuse. Nothing kinky."

Anyone who answers this ad has to be either out of their mind or desperate. That's the ad that Uma answers when she arrives in Blackwood almost penniless and in dire need of shelter. She's escaped from a volatile relationship that's left her with physical scars to rival her emotional ones. She can barely recognize the person she is today but in Blackwood she hopes to find her salvation where she will erase her past and restart her life. Her employer is a curmudgeonly older lady who pushes Uma to her limits but it's their neighbour that has her heart racing. Any man at the moment is bad news in her mind and Ive with his imposing physique and gruffness is no exception, though his kindness towards her goes against his outward appearance. When Ive first meets Uma he recognizes something in her eyes: someone whose spirit has been beaten down and is afraid. It has him curious as to who did that to her and for no logical reason at all he becomes protective of her. 

Under Her Skin is equally emotional and erotic. As the story goes on we learn about the abuse Uma suffered previously. It hurts even more when she traces back all the missed cues that she should have caught on to but it's all hindsight. She does not intend to make the same mistakes again so when Ive shows interest, she asks for time. Uma begins to notice Ive as she sheds some of her apprehensiveness. My absolute favourite passage comes on page 124 -- while she's watching him work with metal at the fire, she uses her photographer's eye to imagine him as a medieval blacksmith. That entire scene is so sensual and with the way Anders described it, I could picture it so vividly in front of me. Deep breaths were necessary to cool down after that. 

I was captivated by Anders' writing style and the images that she so exquisitely paints. I liked how her characters' rapport develop organically. One of my other favourite scenes is earlier on where Uma sits by her open window and listens to Ive banging on something in his garage. She's not aware yet that he's a blacksmith but finds a distinct comfort in clinging to that rhythmic sound. It doesn't escape me that this romantic and almost spiritual scenario of the two of them awake at night unable to sleep yet his nearby presence puts her at ease, is what helped forge this unusual and heated connection between them. I also want to praise Anders for how sensitively she handles Uma's storyline. Writing about someone who has escaped abuse and who is dealing with so much anguish is a precarious challenge. Uma is complex, filled with fragility and grit.

Under Her Skin is a stunning debut from Anders. So stunning that I read it in one day. This story will consume you and leave you breathless at times. Don't fear, there is a HEA that makes the journey through all that heartache worth it.

~ Bel

Starting Over by Sue Moorcroft

* * *

New home, new friends, new love. Can starting over be that simple?

Tess Riddell reckons her beloved Freelander is more reliable than any man - especially her ex -fiancé, Olly Gray. She’s moving on from her old life and into the perfect cottage in the country.

Miles Rattenbury’s passions? Old cars and new women! Romance? He's into fun rather than commitment. 

When Tess crashes the Freelander into his breakdown truck, they find that they’re nearly neighbours – yet worlds apart. Despite her overprotective parents and a suddenly attentive Olly, she discovers the joys of village life and even forms an unlikely friendship with Miles. Then, just as their relationship develops into something deeper, an old flame comes looking for him...

Is their love strong enough to overcome the past? Or will it take more than either of them is prepared to give?


I have read a few books recently with strong female characters looking to overcome some horrendous event in the past. Each one is different in personality and it's fascinating to see how each one deals with the hand they've been dealt.

Tess is moving into a new cottage after breaking up with her ex. She makes quite the impression when she literally runs her car into the back of Miles' truck and needs him to tow her car to his garage so that it can be fixed. Not the best way to meet new people. Miles, known as Ratty to his friends, isn't impressed with Tess' curt behaviour during this encounter. They do wind up running into each other on various occasions through her new neighbours and so have to endure each other's company. They do eventually get closer but it takes a while to get there. Tess' previous relationship was a disaster that left her utterly shaken. Her healing has been slow; she's had no real support from her family so her new life in the country has been refreshing. This bizarre thing she has going with Ratty will do for now especially since he's not for any kind of commitment whatsoever.

I adored the English countryside setting; it looked so cozy and picturesque in my mind. The writing took a bit of getting used to at first. Moorcroft's style is different from what I've typically read in the past so I had to get a few pages in before I found its rhythm. There were a few references that I missed only because of a lack of familiarity, but it certainly didn't hinder my overall enjoyment of the novel. The pacing of the story which spans a couple of years is perfect allowing for the characters to develop in their own time. The romance between Tess and Ratty is a slow build which is kind of a rare thing in romances lately, and I preferred it mainly because after what Tess went through previously, she needed to go at her comfort level. It's heady stuff resulting from her nasty relationship/breakup with her ex-fiancé. That storyline is complicated and emotional, and on the flip side even provides some absurd moments in the present. Speaking of absurd, Tess' new friends and family are all wacky which makes them all lovable, except maybe the parents who are a bit clueless and meddlesome.

Starting Over is the first book I've read by British publisher, Choc Lit and the first by Sue Moorcroft. Reading it had me feeling as if I was transported to the English countryside and living in a quaint cottage surrounded by a loving and well-meaning group of friends. It's the perfect choice if you we want to see a heroine who's been through the wringer find that happily ever after!

~ Bel

The Aftermath by R.J. Prescott

***1/2

Cormac "The Hurricane" O'Connell's star is on the rise. Billed as the most promising young boxer of his generation, his new career is taking him to places he never dreamed. But O'Connell only needs one thing in life: his wife.

In her final year of college, Em cannot follow him around the world but together they make it work. Just when everything they ever wanted is on the horizon, the past resurfaces to haunt them, and O'Connell realizes that justice might not be a part of his happy ever after. He couldn't protect Em once before, but in the aftermath of the hurricane, he will make sure that never happens again.

Source:  Advance Copy from Publisher in exchange for an honest review.  

We met O'Connell, Emily and the gang in The Hurricane.  The Aftermath really is just that.  It's told from O'Connell's point of view as he deals with the fallout and emotional aftermath of everything that happened in The Hurricane.  I'm staunchly anti-spoiler, so feel free to read my review of The Hurricane here without fear.  

O'Connell is trying to deal, but he's got so much anger and fear and guilt.  God, the guilt.  If you've been around the blog for a while, you know I'm all about the bromances in books and this series delivers.  This ragtag group of fighters are family and they are awesome.  They rally around O'Connell as he continues to make it as a championship contender.  They rally around Emily to be there when O'Connell can't.  

And just like in The Hurricane, O'Connell is swoon-worthy.  Check this out:

Wrapping my arms around her tiny waist, I haul her in for a kiss.  The way that some guys kiss their long-term girlfriends or wives is an absolute travesty.  A kiss should never be routine, like saying hello or good-bye.  Kissing the person you love should be sign language for the soul.  It should say I love you, I need you, and I'm happy to see you or sorry to see you go.  If you can't kiss like that, you should really keep your fucking lips to yourself.

Seriously, why aren't guys like these real?!  No one can ask why we love our fictional boys after reading that.  Or how about this:

God, sometimes it's like she reached into my chest and held my heart in her hand, just to remind me why it belonged to her.

R.J. Prescott is killing me!  She had better write Liam's story and Kieran's and Tommy's and Earnshaw's!  And Danny could find himself a good woman through all these stories too.  Just sayin'.  Truth be told, I want Liam's story first.  The hints we got in The Aftermath about Liam's story were my favorites and I can't wait to read all about it!  

Anyway, if the smoking hot cover wasn't enough motivation for you to buy this book, well, you're crazy, but also, I'm telling you the story is also great.  

~Shel

The Hurricane by R.J. Prescott

***1/2

Emily McCarthy is living in fear of a dark and dangerous past.  A gifted mathematician, she is little more than a hollow, broken shell, trying desperately to make ends meet long enough to finish her degree.

Through an unlikely friendship with the aging, cantankerous owner of a boxing gym, Em is thrown into the path of the most dangerous man that she has ever met.  

Source:  Advance Copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

It recently came to my attention that I somehow forgot to review The Hurricane.  Apparently, I need adult supervision, because I really liked this book and want everyone to know it!  The Hurricane is Emily's story.  It's the story of how she survived a horrific childhood and escaped to a place where she hides - not just from her past, but from her present.  She meets Danny at the diner where she waits tables.  The old guy befriends the skittish young girl and eventually offers her a job at his boxing gym.

Enter Cormac O'Connell.  O'Connell is a rough boxer who fights to burn off his anger and frustration with his mother.  He's listless and lacks focus, but when he sees Em in the diner, he knows he has to shape up to create a life for her.  With that O'Connell dedicates himself to going pro as a boxer and winning Em's heart.  But with Em's background and secrets, the path to true love is like an obstacle course.  

The Hurricane is a beautiful love story.  Not just between Em and Cormack, but a story of the coming together of a family.  The guys at the gym have always been a family, but protecting and loving Emily while helping O'Connell become a champion gives them purpose.  

But O'Connell, man, he just lays it all out there.  This is guy that is not afraid of his emotions when it comes to Em - he embraces them and goes after her, no holds barred.  

                      "I wish I knew the words to tell you how much I love you and how                      much you've changed my life.  Meeting you was like seeing the sun                      for the first time, after a lifetime of living in the dark.  I know you                        can do so much better than me, but if you'll have me, I promise to                       spend the rest of our lives fighting to deserve you."

Aww, right?!  This book is filled with touching quotes from O'Connell and the rest of the guys.  I recommend The Hurricane to all of you.  And then you have to read The Aftermath, which is told from O'Connell's point of view.  *sigh*

~Shel

Rescuing the Bad Boy by Jessica Lemmon

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NOT ALL SCARS HEAL

For Donovan Pate, the lake town of Evergreen Cove is a minefield of tough memories—including the day he had to let go of Sofie Martin. Years later, he still can’t forget the taste of her lips and the feel of her killer curves. He knows he’s too damaged, that he should stay away for her own good. But what the head says and the heart wants are two very different things…

Seven years ago, Donovan broke Sofie’s heart. Now her career depends on playing nice in order to pull off the charity fundraiser of the decade. She vows to keep things professional…yet working by his side every day doesn’t make it easy to fight temptation, and it isn’t long before she finds herself falling for this bad boy all over again. But loving Donovan means helping him face his past–so they can fight for a future together.




Review:

This was my first Jessica Lemmon book.  As you know, I’ve become a huge fan of Shannon Richard’s and since she and Ms. Lemmon are besties I was easily persuaded to try out Rescuing the Bad Boy.  And, of course, I’m glad I did.

Sophie would love nothing more than to forget the night she lost her virginity.  It was amazing and horrendous.  But the horrible outweighed the good and, seven years later, not thinking about it is completely working for her.  But then Donovan Pate walks into her office and the past comes crashing back. 

Donovan Pate wants absolutely nothing to do with Evergreen Cove.  He’d rather not live in the home and town where his late father abused him regularly.  When he inherits his family’s estate, his plan is to go to town, sell it (he already has a buyer) and then moving back to his life in New York. What he doesn’t plan on is an annual charity dinner that is being planned and the event is at the house he so desperately wants to get rid of.  A charity dinner that not only raises money for a group home for abused kids but is also planned by the local event planner.  The never forgotten (no matter how much he tries), Sofie Martin. 

Even thoug Donovan would love nothing more than to cut and run, he can’t, in good conscience, put a stop to supporting a charity that he fully supports.  That and an iron clad contract won’t let him.  So he agrees to hold off on selling the house until the charity dinner is done.  Over the next few months Sofie and Donovan skirt each other at the Pate Mansion.  Sofie planning a party and Donovan cleaning it out and fixing it up for its new owner. Of course, skirting each other doesn’t really work and soon they are openly fighting their attraction to each other.

No matter how much the two of them try to protect themselves there is no denying the connection between the two of them.  A connection that is much more important than either of them want to admit. They each have to decide if they can overcome the past in order to have a future with each other.

At first there was a part of me that had difficulty understanding the residual angst between Sofie and Donovan.  It had been seven years since they had seen each other and they had both moved on with their lives.  But then I realized they hadn’t really moved on at all.  Sure, Sofie is succeeding in her career. Her family is a bit crazy but she loves them.  And sure, she’s had her share of relationships.  But none of them have worked out long term and she is completely honest about the fact that she hasn’t had a connection with anyone like the way she did with Donovan Pate.   Then there is Donovan.  On the outside he’s moved on.  Moving away from Evergreen Cove and making a name for himself as a mason worker.  But dig a bit deeper and you find out he’s made some pretty drastic changes to his private life after that night he spent with Sofie.  

All of a sudden it wasn’t so hard to understand all that underlying tension between the two of them. It was there and it was REAL.  On top of that there is Jessica Lemmon’s story telling abilities.  She has a way of pulling a reader in.  Even if I had never understood the lasting angst, I would have been drawn to these two main characters.  The chemistry between them positively leapt off the page.

Needless to say, this was a great introduction to Jessica Lemmon’s writing and I can’t wait to read the rest of this series as well as her backlist.

Nat

Carry Me Home by Lia Riley

* * * 

Love doesn’t have to be perfect to be true…

Years ago, Tanner Green loved Sunny Letman. She was meant to be his first kiss, first love, first everything. Then their world spun upside-down and out of control.

Free-spirited Sunny doesn’t do commitment. Sure, guys are great for a night or a week, but she always leaves first. That is, until professional skateboarder and town golden boy, Tanner Green, unexpectedly walks back into her life.

Despite their broken history, a fragile and undeniably electric connection still holds them together. Now Tanner has to convince Sunny that even though love isn’t always perfect, it’s worth sticking around for. . .

Now that we have Talia and Bran’s story all settled, it’s time to turn our attention to one of Talia’s best friends, Sunny. From what little we had glimpsed of her before, she comes off as a happy-go-lucky sort of girl who’s easy to get along with and someone Talia looks up to very much. Appearances can be deceiving my friends. Sunny puts up a very successful façade but underneath that is a young woman who is so cynical of love and commitment that she’d rather get involved in random hook-ups than risk having her heart broken.

Then Tanner shows up. Yes, Tanner as in the one-time boyfriend of Talia’s sister Pippa, and Talia’s regretful one-night stand. THAT Tanner. He catches Sunny during one of her random hook-ups. It's almost a stand-off between them. She refuses to be anything other than she is or allow his opinion of her to bring her down. For all she cares, he betrayed Pippa and he hurt Talia badly. Those things are unforgivable. But there’s more. She's purposefully ugly towards him because he's the only one who knows about her crappy childhood. He was witness to one awful incident that drastically changed the nature of their once close friendship. To Tanner, Sunny has always been on his mind and the one he has loved. To Sunny, he’s a reminder of all the painful memories and feelings she wants to repress. The fact that he can see through her BS makes her even more hostile.

When Sunny has to go on an unexpected road trip to see her estranged mother, Tanner offers to drive. She accepts his offer knowing full well that this could change things. It’s during this road trip that the truth come to light about certain events and the nature of his relationship with ex-girlfriend, Pippa. We see that Tanner isn't quite the bad guy we’ve thought him to be. He's suffered a lot and has kept everything to himself. And Sunny, that sweet, misguided girl, has to come clean to herself about what she’s doing with her life. Tanner calls her out several times and each time she tries to fight it until she relents. 

I enjoyed getting to know Sunny and Tanner in this jam-packed novella. Some details that were revealed helped with understanding Talia better, too. This is a sometimes sweet, most of the time messy, and all the time sexually charged story about frenemies turned lovers. Some bits were a bit much, only in the sense that I was thinking “oh girl, what are you doing now?” If you loved what Lia Riley gave you in the other three Off The Map books, you’ll find this one just as good! 

~ Bel

The End of Feeling by Cindy Bennett

* * * 1/2

Benjamin Nefer seems to have it all. He’s the most popular guy in school, the star quarterback with college scouts looking at him, his grades are near the top of his class, he can get any girl he wants . . . but he hides behind his dream life to mask the nightmare of his reality.

Charlie Austin is the new girl. Forced to move in with a bitter aunt, she only wants to protect her fragile mom from the world’s cruelty. When Benjamin sets his sights on Charlie, she’s armored against his charm—friends warned her about Benjamin’s game of pursuing and then dumping a long line of girls, not caring about the broken hearts he leaves behind. She doesn’t count on how single-minded he can be when she refuses him, or how charismatic, easing into her life through what he claims is just friendship.

Benjamin thought he could keep Charlie in the same place he keeps all girls—something to be used and then discarded. But Charlie has as many secrets as he does, secrets he’s determined to discover while keeping his own hidden. He realizes she’s the perfect girlfriend candidate . . . someone he can use to keep up the façade of a perfect life. Now he just has to keep his frozen heart from softening toward this unique girl, because if he doesn’t, his carefully constructed lies might just come thundering down around him, crushing him beneath the burden of feeling.

Review:

Benjamin Nefer notices Charlie Austin her first day of school.  He wastes no time and begins pursuing her right away.  He wasn’t prepared for her immediate brush off since she had already been warned about him.  But Benjamin Nefer is persistent.  Except, in this case, his persistence might backfire.  Benjamin’s approach to girls has always been to date them twice then break up with them.  That is just one of many ways for him to appear normal and privileged when his home life is anything but.  He will do anything to hide where he lives and the abuse he endures at home.  Including sparring at a local boxing club to give everyone other ideas as to wear the bruises come from.  He will also do anything to avoid emotional attachments.  And in the end, being attached to anyone in his hometown is useless as he intends on going as far away as possible once he graduates high school.  But Charlie is different.  In his pursuit he finds himself falling for her and he doesn’t have the slightest idea what to do about that as he forgot how to feel any emotions forever ago.

Charlie Austin just wants to keep her mom safe.  Due to complications at birth, Cora has needed assistance all her life.  Her first stay in a home for adults with special needs resulted in her being raped and becoming pregnant.  With Charlie.  Since that horrible time, Cora’s mother has taken care of both Cora and Charlie.  But when Charlie’s grandmother passes away they are forced to move in with Cora’s sister, Naomi.  Charlie doesn’t feel that Naomi wants them there and she certainly doesn’t trust her to take care of her mother.  Charlie’s days are filled with school work and caring for Cora.  Both of which she does willingly and lovingly.  Her plan after graduation is to find a job and care for her mother without the charity of Aunt Naomi.  Needless to say she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend.  But she can certainly do friends.  So when Benjamin Nefer backs off a little and pursues her as a friend rather than a romantic interest, she is completely on board.  But as things sometimes work out, Charlie starts falling for Benjamin.  And she finds herself wondering how on earth they continue to be friends when he might have the unexpected power to break her heart.

The slowly developed romance between Benjamin and Charlie is perfectly balanced with the struggles they each have at home.  The author holds nothing back in describing Benjamin’s home life.  It’s brutally honest, violent and painful to read.  As for Charlie, my heart broke for her as well.  Her unconditional love for her mother is absolutely beautiful.  But the responsibility she has put upon herself is overwhelming to say the least.  And watching her struggle to come to terms with her aunt’s role in her life is touching.

This a remarkable and well written story.  The characters situations were original.  The romance was steady and believable.  And in the end, it left me both emotionally exhausted and hopeful.  I won’t lie.  This is not always an easy book to read and each MC’s personal lives might be a trigger for some readers out there.  But if you are looking for contemporary YA with weighted issues that really make you think, I definitely recommend The End of Feeling.

Nat 

A Whisper In Time (Whisper Falls #2) by Elizabeth Langston

* * *

I have never been useless in my life.

Rescued from a life of servitude by the boy she loves, Susanna Marsh escapes across two centuries, only to be plunged into a world she's ill-prepared to face. Unable to work or go to school, Susanna finds herself dependent on others to survive.

Immersed in the fun and demands of his senior year of high school, Mark Lewis longs to share his world with the girl who's captured his heart. But first he must tackle government bureaucracy to prove Susanna's identity.

Overwhelmed by her new home, Susanna seeks refuge in history and in news of the people she left behind. But when she learns that danger stalks her sister, Susanna must weigh whether to risk her own future in order to save Phoebe's happiness.

If you were ever under the impression that time travel would go swimmingly and that you’d easily fit into whenever you end up, A Whisper In Time would be the reality dose you need.  It’s just as charming as its predecessor, Whisper Falls, this time focusing on how Mark and Susanna are going to set about their respective futures.

After escaping eighteenth century North Carolina, Susanna spends weeks recuperating from her illness and injuries she sustained at the hands of her previous master. Once her health is back again she must learn to adjust to a whole new world. Talk about culture shock! It’s not just things that are new that she has to get used to but also a far more progressive mentality. Some things come easily to her while others are harder for her to acclimate to.

What stands out in this is Susanna’s loss of identity in two ways. In her century, she knew her place and her purpose regardless of the awful circumstances she was in. In this century, she feels useless and isolated to an extent.  Having to make her way by leaving her past behind is frightening but has no choice – there’s no way she can return to what she escaped from. Her identity problem is also hampered by the fact that in order to stay and be a fully functional citizen in this century, she has to be able to pursue an education and get a job. To do both, she has to prove who she is. Obtaining an identity for her is a huge priority here. While Susanna is puzzled and exacerbated by this century’s obsession with identity, Mark is determined to do whatever it takes to get her one.  

Langston effectively captures how Susanna's presence in the current century impacts her and Mark. Susanna’s sense of directionless and Mark’s dilemma with wanting to be with her but also wanting to enjoy his senior year of high school and prepare for college. Mark at one point even refers to their relationship as “long distance” which is quite spot on as they do tend to have a few communication problems. He's constantly torn between trying to include her but also protecting her from scrutiny. Her secrets are hers to tell and he doesn't want to have to explain to others why Susanna is the way she is. 

Susanna’s need to keep up with her family’s welfare take on urgency as the story progresses. She’s desperate to know that she’s made the right decision for her sister Phoebe. In order to do so, she takes certain risks that alter history. Even as she weighs the consequences, her loyalty and stubbornness can’t deter her from protecting the ones she loves. She's admirable that way. She doesn't apologize for her decisions and forthright about her intentions most of the time.

I’ve said it before about this series – if you fancy history and adventure, sprinkled with romance, A Whisper In Time will suit you just fine. The back and forth through past and present North Carolina highlighting the changes and progress are fascinating. And experiencing some of these changes through Susanna’s eyes will only wow you. In the end, it's also about how two people from two drastically different backgrounds, who fall in love and try to make things work.

~ Bel

The Summer I Wasn't Me by Jessica Verdi - Review & Guest Post

* * * *

Ever since her mom found out she was in love with a girl, seventeen-year-old Lexi’s afraid that what’s left of her family is going to fall apart for good.

You are on the road to truth. Help is on the way.

The road signs leading to New Horizons summer camp promise a new life for Lexi—she swears she can change. She can learn to like boys. But denying her feelings is harder than she thinks. And when she falls heads over heels for one of her fellow campers, Lexi will have to risk her mother’s approval for the one person who might love her no matter what.

Lexi is a very mild-mannered kid. Although she’s on her way to New Horizons to be “cured”of her gay ways, she’s more concerned with her widowed mother who hasn’t been the same since her dad died.  His loss has been a huge blow to them. For Lexi, her mother is all she has left.  She knows she’s gay but out of love for her mother and desperate to keep her remaining family intact, she’s willing to sacrifice her own happiness and go to this conversion camp. Is it right? No, but I can sympathize with where she’s coming from. She views New Horizons not as an adversary but as a necessary step toward reconnecting with her mother.

At camp, she’s grouped together with three other people – Matthew, the jokester who’s out-and-proud, Daniel, a very confused and sheltered boy trying to reconcile his feelings with what it means to be a good Christian, and finally Carolyn, who’s there to fix herself so she can fulfill her idyllic dream of having a family and kids. Sparks fly instantly between Lexi and Carolyn though neither do anything about it. Lexi reminds herself constantly why she’s there and what she has to gain AND lose should this not go well.

Let me count the reasons why I liked this book...

1) The ensemble cast is fantastic. All the characters from the religious counselors, to the confused parents to the frightened camp kids, bring so much substance to this story. 

2) Lexi is great. She’s not antagonistic towards anyone. She approaches her situation gracefully and questions things. She's not easily brainwashed. At one meeting, the kids are told that their gayness is a “sickness”. This statement provides for a very powerful moment of introspection for her as she recollects when she first knew she was gay. At no point has she ever viewed this as a sickness or a disease to be rid of. And it wasn’t like it was this melodramatic journey to get to that point. She just knew and she had clarity. 

3) Every opinion, belief, viewpoint is given equal “airtime”.  Whether you agree with them or not, this book is about each of their individual experiences and their own personal journey. Each of the camp kids has their own reason for being there – some reluctantly like Matthew and some voluntarily like Carolyn. It’s what they figure out for themselves that’s important.

4) This is a difficult story to tell but it's done articulately and courageously with the very emotional and turbulent moments handled delicately. Thank goodness for that because I would've been a wreck. Still that doesn't erase the horrors of the inappropriate and questionable things that happen at camps like this. I'll be honest, I'd heard of such places but had never given them much thought. Now that I've had some insight, how anyone can think it's okay to treat people in such a debasing and sometimes abusive manner like those mentioned here, is beyond me. 

The Summer I Wasn’t Me is thoroughly engaging, disturbing and inspiring. The characters involved keep you invested but the camp and its procedures are horrifying. My hope for anyone who reads this is not to just cling to the same old arguments or any religious predisposition. Set all that aside if you can. In the end, I hope the thought turns to the importance of treating a fellow human being with compassion. And then I hope that thought turns to daily practice.

~ Bel

Now that you've read my take on the book, I am pleased to have the author herself, the brilliant Jessica Verdi join us today to discuss her book in further detail. Welcome Jessica!

Hi, Bel! Thank you so much for having me on your blog! I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently about my research process for The Summer I Wasn’t Me, so I’m hoping I can use this opportunity to discuss that a little!

This was a very research-heavy book, being that I personally have never been to a conversion camp. But because this world is so secretive, so purposefully hush-hush, there was only so much research I could do before hitting a brick wall. The things that go on at these camps are not only incredibly morally unethical, but emotionally (and often physically) abusive, and in many cases illegal. These kinds of programs have already been outlawed for youths in New Jersey and for all people, regardless of age, in California.

The bulk of my research consisted of doing a lot of technical research on so-called “reparative therapy” (the techniques and methods they use, the argument for the work, etc.), reading first hand accounts from people who have been to camps like these, and watching several documentaries. Every single “exercise” you see in the book came from research—I didn’t make any of that stuff up, including the horrifying events that happen (no spoilers!) in Chapter 29. In fact, one of the hardest parts of my research was watching YouTube videos of that very type of thing. It was extremely difficult to watch kids going through something like that, but I knew I owed it to the accuracy of the story to get every detail, even ones as awful as that, correct.

I was recently asked if I came across anything in my research that was just TOO much to put in the book, and I said no. Not that I didn’t come across some of the most terrible forms of abuse I’ve ever encountered, but I NEVER felt compelled to protect the people who run these programs, or downplay anything that happens there. This book was, from the beginning, going to be real and raw and honest—I’ve never had any interest in sugarcoating it.

The people in The Summer I Wasn’t Me of course are all fictional, and I made the physical setting up as well—the multiple cabin setup in the Virginia mountains felt right to me for the story, but I can’t be 100% sure of its accuracy. Basically after I did all the technical research, I let the characters and setting and story build up around it. It was interesting to be able to almost create a new world for this book, sort of like one would do when writing fantasy—the only difference being, sadly, these conversion programs are all too real.

Thank you Jessica for sharing your eye-opening research with us! You can learn more about Jessica Verdi and her other books by visiting her website at www.jessicaverdi.com or follow her @JessVerdi  And thank you to Sourcebooks Fire for arranging this guest post.

~ Bel

The Coincidence Of Callie And Kayden by Jessica Sorensen

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*Mature Content - Recommended for readers 17 years + due to sexual content and language*

 There are those who don’t get luck handed to them on a shiny platter, who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, who don’t get saved.

Luck was not on Callie’s side the day of her twelfth birthday when everything was stolen from her. After it’s all over, she locks up her feelings and vows never to tell anyone what happened. Six years later her painful past consumes her life and most days it’s a struggle just to breathe.

For as long as Kayden can remember, suffering in silence was the only way to survive life. As long as he did what he was told, everything was okay. One night, after making a terrible mistake, it seems like his life might be over. Luck was on his side, though, when Callie coincidentally is in the right place at the right time and saves him.

Now he can’t stop thinking about the girl he saw at school, but never really knew. When he ends up at the same college as Callie, he does everything he can to try to get to know her. But Callie is reserved and closed off. The more he tries to be part of her life, the more he realizes Callie might need to be saved.

Since The Redemption of Callie and Kayden is due out shortly, I thought it would be nice to remember why this series is just another winner from Jessica Sorensen. Her stories are incredibly appealing and she manages to create some memorable characters in her books. The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden is another emotionally charged story, this time about two people who are so damaged that neither feels worthy of happiness or love.

I love how Sorensen sets us up with both Callie’s and Kayden’s point of views. It’s very much the same as with The Secret of Ella and Micha, a formula that works but one she tweaks in this book.  Unlike Ella and Micha, Callie and Kayden do not have an established history together or any sexual tension from the beginning. This time the full on ugly is displayed out in the open with both of them dealing with a lot of pain. For the first time in his life, Kayden wants to feel rather than go through the motions. His seemingly perfect life is far from that. Callie walked in on one of the worst moments of his life and rescued him without hesitation. He can never thank her enough for what she did. And because she did so, he has become curious about her. Who exactly is this quiet girl, known as a “freak” in high school who came to his aid and just disappeared.

For her part, Callie was surprised by what she did for Kayden. After  having witnessed what she did, she realizes that not everyone has a charmed life. She goes off to college a few days after the incident to focus on starting her new life and new identity away from the horror of her childhood and high school. Her past catches up with her when Kayden shows up at her college. With her new friend Seth, she learns to slowly open up and relinquish control so that she can have some normal experiences. It’s hard for her to trust anyone but she’s drawn to Kayden. After seeing him at his worst, she recognizes someone who is as anguished as she is. They’ve both been failed by their families. And as hard as it is to admit the secret that’s haunting them, they also find a strange kind of comfort in their growing friendship. Interestingly both sides wonder how wise it is to pursue their attraction to each other when they’re messed up themselves.

As gutting as some moments were, everything about this book is heartfelt and authentic.  Sorensen deftly handles two very sensitive issues with empathy and intelligence. Reading how Callie and Kayden wade through their emotional turmoil is hard.  I mean, they both need hugs! Neither of their issues are easy and no one has the right answer. But it’s beautiful to see these two people develop a genuine friendship where they become each other’s staunchest supporter. Kayden himself admits that he feels real and truly happy for the first time in his life. Callie is learning to trust and see that not everyone will hurt her. She takes big steps towards having happiness.

I love this book. I’m impressed with how it’s written, how Sorensen has managed to inject so much heart into it. She has given me a new couple to root for. I tell you what though – I am slightly mad at her for leaving me with a hell of an ending. It was so disturbing and intense I don’t think I was able to breathe until it was all said and done. Now I’m desperately waiting for the sequel so I can put my mind at ease.

~ Bel

Breaking Beautiful by Jennifer Shaw Wolf

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Allie lost everything the night her boyfriend, Trip, died in a horrible car accident—including her memory of the event. As their small town mourns his death, Allie is afraid to remember because doing so means delving into what she’s kept hidden for so long: the horrible reality of their abusive relationship.

When the police reopen the investigation, it casts suspicion on Allie and her best friend, Blake, especially as their budding romance raises eyebrows around town. Allie knows she must tell the truth. Can she reach deep enough to remember that night so she can finally break free? Debut writer Jennifer Shaw Wolf takes readers on an emotional ride through the murky waters of love, shame, and, ultimately, forgiveness.

I dove into this book late one evening in the hopes of a good read after finishing a less than stellar book.  The plan was to read a chapter and go to sleep.  Fast forward 6 hours later (or 4am) and I have somehow survived the emotional roller coaster that is Breaking Beautiful.  When I say emotional roller coaster, I don’t mean the rapid brutal ascent and fall of emotions that you find in Gayle Forman’s If I Stay.  Think shorter ascents and drops in a dark tunnel and the only thing that keeps you from trying to jump off the ride is the light you KNOW is at the end.

This is one of those books that is hard to review because I really don’t want to give anything away other than what is in the description above.  It’s a bit of a mystery and I would hate to inadvertently spoil it for anyone.   

What I can tell you is that this book is rather dark.  I knew going in that it would be.  The description provided by the publisher prepared me for the subject matter of abuse Allie experienced at the hands of her boyfriend, Trip.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the abuse/bullying that Allie and her friends and family suffered at the hands of the town’s population – both adults and adolescents.   Some of it was intentional and vindictive.  Some of it was just the careless and thoughtless.  Either way, it was hurtful to the characters and upsetting to read.   

But not the entire story was dark.  Some of the brightest parts of this story were Andrew and Blake.  The very first thing that drew me into this book was the relationship between Allie and her twin brother, Andrew.  Andrew and Allie have a bond that is both beautiful and moving and I truly believe is one of the few things that keeps her alive in the beginning.  Then there is Blake.  Even after the way she treated him while dating Trip, Blake still insists on supporting her however and whenever he can and when she lets him.   

Although dark, this book ends with a bit of sunshine and hope.  I truly loved it.  If you love a good emotional read, as I do, then I highly recommend this book.   

Nat

*Breaking Beautiful will be released Tuesday, April 24, 2012

But I Love Him by Amanda Grace

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"Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he’ll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him.

It’s too bad I didn’t keep any pieces for myself."

At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and a track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved – and needed. Ann can’t recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor’s rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything – and everyone – in its path.

This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.

But I Love Him is a very disturbing look at the descent of a relationship into violence. The first chapter opens with Ann, lying beaten and miserable on the floor after another argument on awry. This is the literal breaking point but we’re not given much else. All the pieces come together as her story gradually unfolds. Each chapter serving as a reference to a point in time in their relationship. Every so often, a chapter brings the reader back to the present.

At first, I found the jumbled chronology disorienting. There were a few times when Ann mentioned certain events and I wondered if I had missed something. But ultimately this tactic works because it narrows the focus to the history of the relationship first before anyone can point a leering finger at Anne, wondering why in the hell she remained with an abusive boyfriend for a whole year. It's written like one of those, "where did it all go wrong?" scenarios where you sift through your memories attempting to pinpoint that crucial moment in time.

Connor himself has suffered at the hands of his abusive father and watched as his mother was destroyed by it. Ann witnesses this as well. So it’s unnerving to see her make the very same mistakes as his mother did: staying with the guy, thinking it’s something she did that set them off. Such is the irony that Ann recognized those mistakes in his mother but not in herself. It’s gut wrenching to see how much Ann has relinquished from her life so that Connor can be the absolute center. Even her friends have given up on her somewhat. She knows what her life has become. She admits to the "wrongness" and stress of feeling guilt at being happy if she hangs out with a friend, or that she's scared to say the wrong thing to him. Yet she still feels she can fix things – as long as she can placate him, she can fix him.

But I Love Him is not a fun read but it’s engaging. Amanda Grace does a spectacular job of helping us to understand Ann’s psyche, why she stayed and why she felt she couldn’t leave. I wanted to read it because I wonder about people who remain in toxic relationships that are slowly ruining them. It's easy as an outsider, to think "Don't you have any self-worth? Can't you see the signs?". I could never comprehend why anyone would allow that to happen to themselves. But I suppose you don't know until you've been through it or had someone you love go through it. 

This is a very thought-provoking book that made me cringe several times. I developed great empathy for Ann and surprisingly, Connor too. I felt sadness for his pathetic and terrifying childhood, his sad excuse of a man for a dad and his hopeless mother who never chose to give Connor his best chance. And though initially I wasn't a fan of the jumbled chronology, it is in fact a genius ploy because by the very end of the book, where everything is set into motion, I was left breathless.

~ Bel